Skip to main content

Today



Today has been one of those days.  Not a horrible day.  I’ve certainly had worse in my life, but it was a trying day nonetheless.  And when you have trying day after trying day, you just start to feel beat down. But it seems not many people talk about those days.  A friend of mine did tonight, and it was like a breath of fresh air.  So as I was lying in bed feeling her pain and remembering my own, I decided to write.  For anyone else that can relate.  For anyone else that might read this and think “Yes!  I’m there too.”

Before I say anything else, let me say that I know how blessed I am.  I know that on the outside, my life could look amazing.  I have a great husband who works so hard to provide for his family, a beautiful home to bring us shelter, two healthy daughters...  And you’re right.  It is great.  And I’m sure on the outside everything looks wonderful.  But sometimes, on the inside, on days like today, it’s also very lonely and very defeating. 

Today my husband woke up, albeit before the rest of us, and got to go to work, with real adults, eat something more than a sandwich for lunch, fly over the beautiful beaches, have some moments of thought all to himself...

I woke up almost with the sun thanks to my toddler that seems to recently find it fun to rise earlier and earlier every morning.  I made meals, I cleaned up messes, I did laundry, I taught manners, I even attempted to take a work call. 

But the little one started fussing and the older one kept walking into the office to “play” with things that weren’t toys, disobeying my pleas and returning with a bath cup full of water, that I’m still not sure was from the faucet or the toilet.  Then it’s on to trying to get the infant to open her mouth for her new solid foods and listening to the toddler cry because her snack cup wasn’t filled all the way to the top.  And heaven forbid we brush her teeth before nap (like we do. EVERY. DAY).  I could go on, but I’ll spare you. 

“Is this really my life?“ I think to myself, and probably out loud sometimes. I was the top of my class in high school and college.  I had lofty dreams.  And here I am pursuing my passions in fleeting moments of naptimes and bedtimes and preschool hours (assuming the little one naps).  And I just want to be good.  To do it well.  All of it.  Being a wife.  Being a mom.  Being a business woman.  Being a sane adult.

And then Jon gets home from work and the perfectionist side of me wonders if I’ve failed.  If he thinks I haven’t accomplished anything all day.   If he thinks I’m being a good enough wife, a good enough mom.  Am I being what I need for everyone? 

The answer is “no” (not because he told me, but because I’m no fool).  I never will be what I need to be for everyone, all the time.  And I have to try to let that go.  The biggest battle is truly with myself.  The irrational goals I set for myself will never be attained.  And that’s okay.  That’s okay. 

And you know what?  Tomorrow is new and so too are His mercies…in spite of my failures.

“The days are long but the years are short” they say.  And they’re right. Tonight, as I was cleaning out some pictures from my phone, I came across some old ones of both of my girls as babies and my heart nearly burst.  Oh how the time has disappeared in the blink of an eye.  I try to constantly tell myself to take it all in.  To enjoy each moment (minus the tantrums).  To breathe.  Because they will only be older tomorrow. 

Being a mom is hard.  Because being a stay-at-home mom is hard.  And in my opinion, being a stay-at-home working mom is even harder because you feel like you’re never fully succeeding at one title or the other.

This is my life right now, but I know this won’t be my life forever.

And tomorrow I will try again.  I will try again to love my babies well, to make my husband feel appreciated, to finally finish that item on the to do list, to make time for myself.

So here’s to that.  To finding the joy.  To powering through.  To not letting go of those dreams…for them but also for you. 

Our efforts aren’t lost momma’s.  We aren’t alone.  Tomorrow is a new day.
signature

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

New Coffee Table

After more than a year of debate, I've finally decided on and ordered us a new coffee table! As mentioned here , there were several styles I was considering.  However, in the end the tufted ottoman came out on top.  Not only was it versatile, so it can be used for years to come, but it also will be good for when we have kiddos down the road.  I can't tell you how many people I know who have had to either remove their coffee tables for the safety of their kids' noggins or have had to add those tacky corner protectors.  I did not want to invest in a new piece only to have to stow it away down the road.  So this seemed to be the perfect solution.  And thanks to my Joss & Main membership, it turned out to be the perfect price too. I was all set to order a tufted ottoman from Ballard Designs.  I had already received a swatch sample of the fabric I selected and everything.  But a few days later, I got a notification from Joss & Main of a sale event called The Tufted C

Southern Gentleman Baby Shower

Last month I helped throw my best friend (we met in 9th grade speech class :)) Lauren's baby shower for her soon-to-arrive baby boy, Gunner.  The shower had a "Southern gentleman" theme complete with bow ties, silhouettes and gingham print.  Personal touches and family items were used throughout, including baby Gunner's dad's bow ties :) Gunner's daddy's "going home" outfit greeted guests at the sign in table, along with a framed "Southern gentleman in the making" print. A variety of centerpieces graced the tables with groupings of baby mementos, flowers and photos. An antique baby basket helped house the gifts. The drink menu consisted of milk, apple juice (one of Lauren's cravings), fruit-infused water and coffee. The menu was made of a variety of brunch goodies including fruit, doughnuts, muffins, shrimp and grits, breakfast casserole and a waffle bar.  And of course no shower is comp

Our Living Room Mood Board

Our living room is slowly but surely coming together.  The biggest To Do's are ordering a new media console, painting the room (which is unfortunately open to the dining room, kitchen, office and breakfast area which means lots of painting to be done!), order a few lamps and a console for the long wall behind the couch. I realize I haven't shared any pictures of our "new" house (we moved in at the end of last October) with you guys.  So here's a glimpse of the living room before we moved in. This is what you see when you walk in the front door.  The dining room is on the left, the living room is straight ahead and the office on the right. A closer look at the living room.  Florida loves their plant ledges...I do not.  You win some.  You lose some.  I also want to replace the tile around the fireplace.   A view from the back of the living room looking toward the front corner of the house. The room behind the half green wall is the office sans the Fr